Recent History 2

I'm getting the itch again. And before I decide to do anything about it I think it would be good to write about it. My friends tell me that my face lights up when I talk about the guy I've been seeing.   Aside from what has already been mentioned in my previous post, the stability he offers me has provided for a wealth of time to devote to my work. I have been choosing to stay in versus go out, in fact before last night, I hadn't been to the bar in two weeks! I've been so happy, so fulfilled, I literally cannot imagine sex being better, so why is it that I am starting to look again!? Last night for example, he came to the bar to be with me, and something about his devotion made me want other men more. There was a man at the bar, a man I have talked to only briefly, that I am so intrigued by. A musician, a writer, he was sitting alone and I wanted to talk to him, but I couldn't. Sometimes I feel like my urge to meet new men, to sleep with them, is similar to the urge to collect things, to find and conquer and then look again for something new. I mean in a way, isn't my writing this way? Collecting memories, stories and giving them (me) a sense of immortality? I wonder if other people feel similarly or if I have some misdirected energy.  It's so wonderful to meet someone new. To see how you work in relation to someone else, the experiences you can offer each other, the point of reference. It's similar to art really. You have a wooden box for instance. What does it mean on it's own, what is its context, there is a lot of history, of symbolism, contained in this box. Now what happens when you place the square next to a circle? Another square? It changes. It is the same with people. The meaning we create alone is different than the meaning that we create when we are with someone. And the meaning we create with that someone, varies. Part of what I am so addicted to, I think, is the way I begin to know myself through each relationship I am part of. Me, in relation to man A - man Z.