I lost my virginity at 19. He (we'll call him A) came inside me. The next day I had to borrow 35.00 to get the morning after pill. Within a months time I slept with B (which was painful), C (which didn't work very well) and D (with whom I fell (momentarily) in love). One day D and I had sex without a condom. The sex was thick with the tension of our lingering break-up. He didn't pull out and I did not get a morning after pill. I found out I was pregnant on my 20th birthday. D's sister brought a baby gift to my birthday dinner and D asked me to marry him. When I told him I wasn't sure whether I wanted to have the baby he threatened to never speak to me.
On August 13th we were married. Months later our son was born. I quit working for my dad's health care business and became a stay-at-home mom. I spent my days both romanticizing my simple life and dreaming of being saved from it. As our son grew older I became stronger and more independent. I developed a serious flirtation with a friend (E we'll call him) from high-school. On my 21st birthday I bought a red spandex dress from American apparel. D said he didn't want me to wear it because it drew too much attention. What is wrong with wanting attention?
At 22, I took a weekend trip to Chicago. I made-out with E on his bedroom floor. A couple weeks later E and I were caught making-out, naked on a school playground. The police let us off easy because there were no condoms (evidence of public sex) but we had to appear in court where my father-in-law was a well respected lawyer. While I knew how embarrassing my behavior was for my husband the liberation I felt for having done something so irresponsible trumped any guilt I might have had.
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