Sexual History Part 2

         In August of 2009 we moved to Chicago so I could attend art school.   D got a job working at the cheese counter of a local grocery store and our son went to a small catholic preschool. In school I felt so alive. I wanted to meet people: To be a part of things, to fit in and to stand out. About a month into school I stopped wearing my wedding ring and took up smoking. The art kids would stand outside between classes smoking and flirting. I met F this way. He was handsome and smart and well respected in school. About two weeks after meeting we started sleeping together. D was feeling suspicious and consequently read my text-messages. He approached me one night while I was brushing my teeth. He was crying, and both ashamed of invading my privacy and saddened by what he had found within it. I moved out a month later.

           With the help of F, I painted my bedroom pink.  I rationalized it as a feminist choice: My first room over which I had full control and my first bed in which I might sleep without guilt. On Halloween I cheated on F.  I was remorseful when I told him. He was hurt and angry but my remorse was believable enough for him to forgive me. Towards the end of F and my relationship, I started to fantasize about other men. I was honest with him about my feelings but it affected our sex-life tremendously. In May, I broke up with him and within a week I met G. G was the ex-boyfriend of a friend of mine.  I asked her for permission, which she gave and then receded weeks later. Her recession came in the form of friend banishment. Consequently my relationship with G became too controversial to continue. In the weeks before it ended though, G and I had a foursome with another couple. It was my first time sleeping with a woman. It was around this time that I had a few realizations

                          
 1. Sex is powerful.
 2. Strength is sexy.
 3. Independence tends to be misunderstood.
 4. Promiscuity is threatening to those who do not believe 
    or partake in it.